


No Longer Stuck at Home

by violasarecool



Category: Doctor Who, Homestuck
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Pocstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-25 12:32:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2621897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violasarecool/pseuds/violasarecool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor hasn't been doing this for all that long... it was only a few months ago she stole Bec and decided to travel time and space. Well, mostly space. She's not very good with time. Rose and Dave get dragged along for the ride, <i>mostly</i> voluntarily. I mean, who wants to stay stuck at home when you can travel through space?</p><p>Please welcome Jade Harley as THE DOCTOR! (and Bec, her blue box)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who's this Doctor anyway

It was not the most interesting of days. Rose flipped through another page of her history textbook, sipping on a mug of camomile tea. It was all review anyway, she thought, glancing over a diagram explaining how to load a trebuchet. They'd been studying the  _middle ages_  since preschool, surely it was time to move on to something more interesting.

She sighed, and closed the book, draining the last of her tea in one gulp. She slammed it onto the counter. Yes, that made her feel a bit like she was chugging beer. No, it definitely was not an empowering feeling. Nope.  _Now is not the time to be analysing your own thoughts,_  she thought.  _Stop that._  She grabbed the textbook, and headed into the hall, and up the stairs. Maybe if she spent some time reviewing for chemistry she could take breaks to read history— _what was that._  She stopped, one foot hovering above the next step; she could have sworn she heard something, a strange creaking, whirring noise. She didn't move, ears straining to catch the slightest noise, but she couldn't hear anything. She tightened her grip on the heavy textbook, and slowly crept upstairs.

As she emerged onto the landing, she heard a creak, then a bang of a door. Dave said he wasn't coming over for another ten minutes yet, and surely she would have heard him coming in... There was a cough, definitely from her bedroom, and she raised the textbook to chest level, and pushed the door open.

Inside stood a large blue box, the light on top of it pulsing gently. In front of it stood a girl in a long black coat; she turned, the light glinting off her large round glasses. "Oh, hello!" she said, smiling, "sorry, I didn't see you there, hi."

Rose examined her warily. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm the Doctor," she said, stepping forward, hand outstretched. Rose reluctantly shifted the textbook to her other hand and shook it.

"I don't mean to be rude, but what are you doing in my house?" Rose asked.

The Doctor twisted a finger through her dreadlocks. "Uh, yeah, sorry about that, I was aiming for Lofaf, and, er, missed, apparently."

Rose shook her head. "Pardon?"

"Lofaf," The Doctor said, "lots of frogs, snow, big volcano, you know." She pulled out a small wallet, and flipped it open to reveal a piece of paper. "Though all the frogs are still frozen right now, poor things. Hey, what does this say?" she asked, holding it up to Rose.

Rose leaned in. "The Doctor, Spacelord. Huge nerd."

"What??" The Doctor flipped it back around. "It does not." She stared at it for a moment, then laughed. "You sassy thing," she said, shaking her head at the paper.

"Spacelord?" Rose asked.

"Mm," The Doctor said, putting the wallet away. "That's me. Weirdly accurate, though. Have you ever taken a course on psychic readings?"

Rose stared at her. "No?"

The Doctor shrugged. "You should, it's really interesting." There was a bang downstairs, and the Doctor turned. "Family?" she asked.

Rose shook her head. "My mom's in the lab, that's probably—"

_"Rose!_ " came a voice from downstairs.

"—Dave."

Footsteps thumped upstairs; Rose glanced from the Doctor to the blue box.  _Oh boy._

"Rose, your fucking cat was outside on your front step chewing on a... bird." Dave stopped in the doorway, staring at the blue box. "Seriously? I mean, not that I'm not a huge fan of modern art or whatever, but that's a long way to go for a prank. How... how did you even get that through the door, did you like take out the goddamn windows while I was gone?"

Rose frowned at The Doctor. "Not exactly."

He walked up to the box. "Police public call box," he read. He looked over at the Doctor. "So, what, are you a hobbyist? You put together this box in people's houses on commission to prank people?"

The Doctor laughed. "Pranks aren't really my thing."

Dave crossed his arms. "That's a hell of a lot of effort to go to if you don't even  _enjoy_  it. Might wanna consider a career change."

She smirked. "My 'career' is more focused on what's  _inside_  the box."

Dave frowned at Rose. "Is this a sex thing, did you hire a stripper to try and duplicate grade 11—"

" _What,_ " the Doctor said.

"—because that's not gonna work, I was like 13, the scariest thing about that experience was seeing the guy's thighs."

"You—" the Doctor started, then stopped, and decided on staring fixedly at the pale undersides of her clasped palms.

Rose waved a placating hand at her. "I didn't hire a stripper, Dave."

He glanced warily at the Doctor. "So what is this."

The Doctor cleared her throat. "This, is Bec," she said, waving a hand at the blue box.

"Is that its name?" Rose asked.

"No, it's... an acronym." She said. "Badass extraterrestrial... craft."

Dave snorted. "Spent long on that one?"

"Oh, shut up!!" She put a hand on the door. "Fine, it's just Bec, that's his name. It's more impressive on the inside, though."

Rose raised an eyebrow. "His? Is it,  _he,_  sentient?"

"What do you mean, on the inside," Dave demanded. "What could you possible fit inside of that, a bookshelf? A doll's house?"

The Doctor grinned. "Want to see?"

"Ok, getting a serious creep vibe from this one," Dave muttered to Rose.

"Oh my  _god,_ " the Doctor said, rolling her eyes. "Just look," she said, pushing the door open.

Light spilled out of the open door; Dave and Rose stared into the opening, blinking against the glow. Rose stepped toward the door. "May I?" she asked, pointing inside. Jade nodded, and she stepped over the doorway. Dave followed, tapping the outside of Bec warily before following.

They stepped into a large room, wide glass walls leading up to a high ceiling. Through one wall, a vibrant jungle was visible, fluorescent flowers erupting from every surface, leaves and vines cascading to the mossy floor. To his right, Dave watched a tiny fish swim circles around a mollusk stuck to the glass surface. He turned, and saw the Doctor watching them from the doorway, framed by a swirling violet nebula.

"Are they screens?" he asked, pointing at the walls.

The Doctor closed the door, and took a few leisurely steps inside. "More like windows to other locations."

"...so basically, fancy screens." Dave raised his arm, and bit down on the side of his sleeve. "Holy shit," he muttered.

Rose turned to him. "Please don't freak out."

"What?" Dave let go of his sleeve. "I'm not freaking out, why would you say that?"

Rose gave him a look. "You are absolutely freaking out right now."

Dave swallowed. "Yup, ok, totally freaking out right now, but I fucking  _dare_  you tell me that freaking out is an unnatural reaction to stepping into some... some kind of... space box!"

The Doctor was now at the console in the middle of the room, flicking switches. A swirly contraption rose out of the centre of the console, glowing a pale green.

Dave watched her warily. "What are you doing."

She looked up. "Would you like to see some of the places in the windows?"

Dave glanced back to his right, at the tiny fish framed by pitch blackness. "Not really."

She laughed. "We don't have to go under water."

Rose examined a side console, her finger trailing across the smooth white surface. "So this is a spaceship?"

"Ye-es..." The Doctor paused, then pushed a button; Dave blinked as the fish disappeared, and a row of houses appeared, wooden shutters banging soundlessly under thatched roofs. "It can also travel in time."

Dave stared at the window, then turned to the Doctor. "Is that London? That looks like, what, the middle ages?"

"Uh, maybe."

Dave narrowed his eyes. "Can we go somewhere less... plague-infested? Like, I dunno, go see the pilgrims and their fancy hats or something?"

She nodded. "Alright." 

"Really?" He watched as she pressed a few buttons, then reached for a large switch. "Wait, like, right now, now now?"

"Hold on to something," she said, grinning, and Dave and Rose grabbed onto a railing as she flipped the switch, and Bec started to shudder. There was a creaking noise, high vibrating pitches, and the contraption in the middle of the room started to turn, pulsing with light. Dave squinted; it almost looked like there were green tendrils twisting off of it. Then, the room shook, and he tightened his grip on the railing. He glanced at the Doctor; she was at the console, playing with a myriad of switches and buttons, fingers dancing across the console, feet dancing back and forth with the swaying floor. She pulled a lever on one side, then dashed around to the other to yank on a dangling cord. Then, there was a loud clang, and the movement stopped. Dave slid to the floor; beside him, Rose untangled herself from the railing.

"You never thought to add like, seats?" he asked, rubbing his face with his hands. "Seatbelts? You probably fail all your safety inspections."

"Safety inspections?" The Doctor giggled. "That would imply there's someone with authority over me."

"Oh, great, so you're a rogue space traveller? What, did you kill a man? Are you on the run?"

"No!! Don't be ridiculous, why would I kill someone?"

"Are we here?" Rose interrupted.

"I think so," The Doctor said, stepping away from the console. "Want to see?" she asked.

Rose nodded. "Very much so." She followed Jade to the door; Dave got up and reluctantly followed.

The Doctor put a hand on the door handle. "I give you...  _the past,_ " she said, throwing open the door.

They were immediately greeted by blinding light. Dave pushed up his sunglasses, then pushed past Rose and the Doctor outside. "Are we in the fucking sahara?" He dragged his foot through the sand, spun around, staring at the unending stretch of sandy dunes.

The Doctor frowned. "We should be exactly where we took off, geographically, but a few hundred years in the past." She reached into her jacket, and pulled out a small metal pen-like device; she pressed a button, and it lit up green, buzzing as it did so. She held it in the air, walking out into the sand.

They hurried after her. "Scanning device?" Rose asked.

The Doctor held it toward the sand as she walked, frowning at it. "Sonic screwdriver," she said absently, "um... I think I messed up a bit. I'm not so good with time."

"What'd you do," Dave said.

"I think..." The Doctor clicked the sonic screwdriver off again, and stopped. "We went a few thousand years in the future."

"That is quite a large difference," Rose said, staring around them. "Is there anything alive here? Is this the future of the earth, a desolate wasteland?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Maybe right now. Later you get several hundreds of new species on earth, but I'm not sure who's here right now. Maybe no one."

"So... can we try somewhere more occupied this time?" Dave said, kicking at the sand. "Ow!"

The Doctor turned. "What?" she asked.

Rose waved a hand. "Ignore him, he's just—"

"What the fuck." Dave stared down at the shiny metal peeking out of the sand. He bent down, and wiped a hand across its surface, exposing more metal. "Rose..." 

"What?" Rose approached, followed his gaze to the flat white disk buried in the sand. The Doctor crouched beside him, and ran a hand over the green spirograph etched into its surface.

"I think we've found someone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THRILLS. CHILLS. ANOTHER CHARACTER IS INTRODUCED. FUN IS HAD. (incredible)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like many things, i had SO MANY IDEAS FOR THIS and then got bored. unlike many things, i just turned it around and finished it off...... so enjoy, a thing i actually finished (Y)

They stared down at the white disk. "Are you familiar with the symbol?" Rose asked, running a finger along its grooves.

The Doctor shook her head. "I don't think so."

Dave dug deeper into the sand beside the cylinder. "Look," he said, brushing sand away to reveal a plain metal surface, "there's more."

The Doctor touched the warm metal. "Maybe this is the entrance to an underground cavern or something."

"If there are people here, they might be dead," Rose said. "Reserves would only last so long, and if the rest of the earth is like this, there would be no way of replenishing them."

"Maybe. Depends how big it is. There's a lot of different ways of making food and water, and if they had stuff to do alchemy, they'd have a pretty good chance I think. Help me with this."

They pulled at the cylinder until it came off, revealing a dark hole. Rose leaned over the edge; black metal rungs were just visible near the entrance. She looked up at the Doctor, and raised her eyebrows. "After you."

The climb down was longer than they expected; long after their shared muttering about what they might find had faded into laboured breathing as they clung to the thin rungs, they were still descending hand over hand, foot over foot. Finally, the Doctor's foot banged against metal floor, and Rose and Dave let go of the metal bars, relieved to be on the ground. Dave reached out a hand, and found himself touching a curved wall; they all reached around and discovered they were in a space no larger than the tunnel had been. The Doctor reached into her jacket, and pulled out the sonic screwdriver, lighting up her face with a green hue. Next to her, Dave's dark curly hair looked like it'd been dyed to ressemble moss.

"Look," Rose said, examining a panel in the wall.

The Doctor held her sonic screwdriver over to the panel. There were three rectangles coming off of a small circle in the centre. Dave prodded the rectangle with the spirograph; it lit up red, for a moment, its symbol replaced by a padlock. "Locked. Is this a—"

The floor began to spin, and they tumbled into a heap on the floor.

"...map," Dave said, when the floor had stopped moving. "What the hell?"

They picked themselves up, and The Doctor moved back to the panel. "Maybe." She touched the icon with the triangles, and Rose stepped onto the ladder as the floor spun for a second time, sending Dave and the Doctor to the floor again. Then, the wall slid up, revealing a room.

"Ow," Dave said, as the Doctor held out a hand and hauled him upright. Rose stepped down from ladder, and past them into the room.

"Hello." Dave followed the Doctor into the room where Rose stood facing someone, some  _creature,_  dressed in rags with a label attached around it by way of a loop of black cables.

Dave nudged Rose. "Is that an alien?" he muttered.

"No more than you," Jade said, "I think his kind have been here for a few decades. Hi," she said, holding out a hand, "I'm the Doctor. Those two are Dave and Rose." The mayor cautiously shook her hand.

"Mayor," Dave read. "Is that a mayo label?" The creature nodded quickly, and from what little he could see of its face, he could have sworn it looked excited. He laughed. "Fuckin' sweet."

The Doctor, off to the side, was examining the large control panel against the wall; she waved. "Do you know what this is?" she asked. The mayor nodded. He scampered over to the panel, nudging the Doctor's hand out of the way. "That world map, does it zoom in, can you look at places with the coordinates down here?" the Doctor asked. The mayor shook his head, and turned the dial next to the mountain symbol. Then, he pushed the big blue button; the lower screen flickered blue, and behind them, there was a zapping sound. They turned; under a set of curved pipes and what looked like a sci fi ray gun sat a glowing piece of amber.

The Doctor walked over to it, and picked it up. "Is that a firefly?"

The mayor nodded, then held up a hand, and fiddled with the dials again before pressing the blue button. They watched as the pointed edge of the ray gun looking apparatus spat out crackling white light, then... a firefly appeared. The Doctor looked down at the now empty piece of amber in her hand. "Incredible."

"So, it's like, some kind of... appearifier?" Dave said.

The Doctor laughed. " _Appearifier,_ " she said, "really?"

"What." Dave pointed at the console. "It makes shit appear. It's a perfectly good name. Right mayor?" The mayor nodded. "See, dude agrees with me, I win."

"Congratulations," Rose said, looking at the panel. "Are there any other rooms in here?"

The mayor pointed at the green button to the right, etched with the same diagram as they saw on the panel in the entrance to the tunnel.

"So that picture was a map," the Doctor said, rejoining them around the console. "What are in the other rooms?"

The mayor picked up the piece of amber, then gestured at several cans scattered on the floor.

"You've already been playing around with the appearifier a bit, huh," Dave said, nudging a hollowed out pumpkin with his foot.

The mayor nodded.

"How long have you been here?" the Doctor asked. Dave glanced her way; she was playing with one of the dials on the console. "This stuff looks really old, like it's―" She looked up as the mayor tugged on her arm frantically, his eyes wide. "It's ok, I didn't change anything―" He shook his head, and pulled her away from the console. "Ok, fine, no touching, I get it."He shook his head again, now gesturing at Dave and Rose, waving them toward the door.

Rose tipped her head to one side, her tight curls bouncing with the movement. "He seems quite panicked. What's going on?"The mayor pointed at Dave's watch. "Time? Running out of time?" He nodded, tossing cans into the hollowed out pumpkin as he herded them toward the door.

"What happens when the time's up?" Dave demanded; he raised his hands as the mayor pushed him toward the door. "Okay, okay," he said, "I'm going." They crowded into the small tunnel, swarmed up the metal rungs, pushed on by the mayor's insistant prodding with the end of his metre stick. As they emerged into the bright sunlight, the ground began to shake.

"Everybody get to Bec!" the Doctor shouted, but even as they started running, too slowly, sand slipping beneath their feet, there was a humming, throbbing noise, the air around them even hotter than when they last stood in the desert sun. Smoke filled the air, and then, the ground began to fall away, just a single circle of sand remaining as sand cascaded off the edges like a golden waterfall. Bec stood at the edge of the circle, and they stopped, watching the sandy waterfall slowed to a trickle, revealing the edge of a giant metal cylinder, framed by the ever receding ground below them as they took to the air.

The Doctor stood by Bec, peering over the edge, and the others joined her to stare down at the rapidly shrinking landscape below. "This is one weirdly shaped spaceship," Dave said.

Rose glanced at Bec. "Well."

The mayor leaned out over the edge, his fingers tapping an agitated beat against the pumpkin sitting by his feet. He looked at the Doctor, who smiled. "Pretty cool." The mayor nodded.

Rose bent down to touch the surface of the ship, running her finger along a riveted seam. "Should we return inside? Are we going to traverse the earth's atmosphere?"

Jade pulled out her sonic screwdriver. "I think..." It lit up, and she pointed it upwards. "We're going to level out soon. I'm not sure this ship is actually capable of space travel, to be honest." She approached Bec, and pushed open the door. "Want to take a look through a window and see what the rest of the earth looks like?" she asked. The mayor looked uncertainly at the landscape now miles below. "Oh, don't worry, Bec's not going to  _fall off_  or anything, I've got him in park." She held the door for them, and they stepped inside. After a moment, the mayor followed.

"Welcome to Bec," Jades said, grinning as the mayor's eyes widened, taking in the spacious interior. He pointed at the ceiling, at the windows, spinning around to see every viewpoint. "Windows," she said, watching as a volcano erupted behind him. "It's probably my favourite desktop theme."

"Eh, I'm more of a Mac person," Dave said.

The Doctor frowned. "What?"

"...Nevermind."

The Doctor twisted a knob on the console, and the window to their right changed to show an endless expanse of sand. "That's where we are," she said, fiddling with a dial. Rose watched as the screen above the console panned across a large map. The view in the window fizzled out, then reappeared with... more sand. "Looks like earth is mostly sand right now." She pressed another button, and the view changed once more, fizzling in to show two tiny stone monuments sticking out of the sand. "Ah!" The window zoomed in to show a frog statue and a tall pole. "That's where we're going."

Rose peered at the screen. "Zoom in on the frog statue," she said, and watched as the image grew larger. "Look," she said, pointing to the interior. Inside, there was a blur of movement, and a brief flash of yellow. The scope of a gun protruded slightly from the entrance.

"Another carapacian," the Doctor said, pointing as an eye gleamed in the darkness. The mayor narrowed his eyes at the figure. "We'll have to take precautions, I don't want anyone getting hurt." She stepped away from the console, one hand over her mouth. "I think the harpoon gun would be a good idea, maybe Girl's Best Friend..." She skipped down a small set of stairs, then stopped at the bottom. There was a whirring sound, and Dave and Rose glanced at each other before approaching the top of the stairs. "I have pistols if you two want."

"Why, are we marching onto a battlefield?" Rose asked.

"What?" The Doctor ducked out of a low doorway, smacking her head on the metal doorframe. "Shit." She rubbed her head gingerly. "I just like to be prepared, that's all."

Rose glanced down at the colourful weaponry in the Doctor's hands. "It's a nice thought, but I don't think we would know how to use them even if we were so inclined."

"I mean, as desperate as I am to fulfill the American gun-touting dream," Dave said, "I'm gonna have to agree with Rose here."

The Doctor shrugged. "Suit yourselves," she said, ducking back through the doorway. A moment later, she re-emerged empty-handed. "In the spirit of friendship, I guess we can do this unarmed."

"Unarmed, save by the power of friendship and the power of love," Rose said solemnly.

"That's the spirit!" the Doctor said, and Dave smirked as the mayor gave an exasperated huff.

They landed half an hour later with a jarring thump that rattled the window panes and prompted a quiet hissing sound from the console that continued until the Doctor gave it a sharp tap and threatened Bec with a visit to the vet.

"How were we planning on descending?" Rose asked, as they stepped out of Bec onto the blindingly bright white surface of the ship's exterior. "It seems unlikely that the ship would be equipped with stairs along its exterior."

The Doctor closed the door behind them, shouldering a large harpoon gun. "That's why I brought this!" she exclaimed. "We can zipline over, it'll be fun!"

Dave and Rose watched as she tipped the gun forward, aiming its steel prongs near the opening of the frog-topped structure. Her fingers tightened on the trigger and the harpoon burst forward, shooting across the sand below to bury itself in the rock face. She gave the cord a tug. "Ok, we're good," she said, turning back to them. "Who wants to go―"

Her words word interrupted by a loud bang. Dave started. "Jesus fuck―"

Another bang, echoed by a clang. "Down!" Jade exclaimed, shoving them down against the surface of the ship.

"I think our second carapacian friend may not consider the shooting of their hideout with a harpoon gun as an overture of friendship," Rose said.

"Maaaybe not," Jade said, peering over the edge.

There was a laugh from behind them. "You guys are dumb."

Dave turned his head to see John floating behind him. "Are you wearing pajamas?" he demanded.

John grinned. "It's my god tier outfit!"

"God tier?" Dave asked, "did you level up in a video game or something?"

"Dude, no, I'm like an  _actual god._  Pretty sweet, right?"

"What kind of powers have you acquired from your newly appointed god status?" Rose asked. "Other than the requisite floating and creating entirely new outfits, of course."

"Well, I can make people wake up!"

Dave wrinkled his nose. "You what."

"Come on, Dave, time to go!"

"He seems to have thoroughly enjoyed the sleeping part of your sleepover, at least."

"Daaaave."

Dave felt something pressing against his cheek. He opened one eye. Oh, that was his hand.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty."

Dave stretched against the couch, yawning. "You're just jealous of my beautiful locks," he mumbled, squinting at John and Rose standing by the coffee table. Behind them, the television was still quietly burbling, a dalek stalking down the doctor on its tiny screen. John picked up the remote, and turned it off.

"Did you never stop watching Doctor Who last night??"

"Nope." Dave reached for his shades, running a hand through his curly hair. He paused, then glanced at John. "Had one helluva dream, too."

Rose's eyes widened fractionally, and by her standards, she looked downright excited. "Do tell."

"Well, not to disappoint, but there's not a lot of dick imagery this time."

John laughed. "Really, Dave."

"I'll be the judge of that," Rose said, smirking.

Dave shrugged. "Alright. So, Jade was the Doctor, and Bec was the Tardis. There was this weird black dude―not like, black like us, but like literally shiny black shell like a bug. And we went for a ride in the Tardis..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE SHITTY ENDING  
> I TOLD YOU DOG

**Author's Note:**

> please _don't give me crit_ , constructive or not, even if you feel the need to point out a typo, i would appreciate it if you didn't. i do this for fun, and once i've posted something, i don't really want to think about it critically anymore. thanks.


End file.
